Tear You Apart
by wrecking
Summary: Edward and Bella have a night together and it lays heavier on Edward's mind than he'd like it to. Edward/Bella Edward/Jacob


"You're kidding, right

"You're kidding, right? I can't believe he got you into Harry Potter. Movies too? Oh good lord." Bella's voice echoed off the walls, happy and slightly inebriated. She was giggling and covering her mouth, just as she always did.

Edward stared at her like he hadn't seen her in years. She was someone new; he'd never seen her act this way, not even when they were together. His hand reached out and touched her face instinctively, and she shrugged from his touch. He ran his hand through his hair and focused on the floor they were sitting on.

"I'm sorry.. I…," Edward started, but couldn't finish.

Bella leaned her head down, looking up into his eyes. She smiled and put her own hand on his chin, lifting his face to look into hers.

"It's ok," she said.

Her eyes were bright, smiling. He was looking at her like he used to, seeing someone he loved instead of just a friend. He didn't know if it was the alcohol or something else, but he suddenly wanted to kiss her

Without thinking, he was closing the distance between them and his lips were on hers, not soft and warm like before. He kissed her top lip, his hand behind her ear. She was stunned for a moment, but started to kiss him back, pulling him on top of her.

He broke their kiss, looking into her eyes, seeing if she had any doubt. She smiled and kissed his nose. He thought he say yes, but he couldn't be sure.

He kissed her again, pulling at her jeans. She giggled against his mouth and he got up, letting her take off her shirt, and taking off his own. He looked at her again, her pale skin, smooth features. She was so different, but still felt the same.

She caught him staring and laughed, "You have seen the naked female form before, right Edward?"

He laughed awkwardly and she leaned into him again, kissing him and unzipping his pants. Her fingers fumbed and he put his own hands over hers, still kissing her.

Bella's jeans followed his, littering the floor around them. Edward kissed down her neck, to her chest, licking a line between her breasts. She reached her arms out for him and he climbed back on top of her. Edward waited for Bella to open her eyes before he enters her. She's looking over his shoulder and he decides to kiss her instead of questioning it. She moans against his mouth when he starts to push in and out of her. He lets his head fall onto her shoulder; he can't look her in the eyes. He wishes he knew why.

Edward feels her tighten around him and he loses it, coming inside her and rolling to his side. They both lay there, not saying a word. Edward starts a sentence but quickly stops himself. He feels her looking at him and he finally steals a glance.

She smiles sadly, obviously she's regretting this. He stands up, finding their clothes and handing Bella hers. He starts to dress himself and she does the same. He crosses his arms after he puts his shirt on and looks at her with curiosity.

Bella is the first to speak but her words aren't anything Edward didn't expect. "I'll.. I'll go. Um.. I guess I'll see you."

Edward nods and walks her outside. She smiles at him and he does the same. She turns to walk and he waves at her before stopping himself.

He gets a rush of clarity and the first word on his lips isn't a word at all, but a name.

"Jake."

--

It's two days later and Edward is getting the sinking feeling he should at least call her, see if she's okay. Her voice on the line is hushed, she knows it is him and still answers. This makes him frown, still he doesn't know why.

"I wanted to.. call.. check in." His voice sounds like a teenager's, laced with awkwardness.

Bella scoffs and replies, "I'm not going to tell him. You think _I_ want to be the one he finds this out from? I don't even want to remember it myself. It was a mistake, Edward. A mistake. And a _secret_."

He holds the phone tighter, trying not to scream at her. He hangs up the phone without saying bye. He buries his face in his hand, the phone falling from him.

"What the fuck have I done?"

--

He's watching Jake eat, smiling when he gets jelly down his shirt. Jake looks down, shrugs, and finishes his biscuit. He can't fathom how Jake loves him; he never has and never will. And especially now, with this massive secret hanging over him and weighing him down.

Jake catches Edward watching him and grins, wiping the milk from his upper lip like a child. "You're thinking about something."

He can't even look at him now, his chest feels like it's got metal between it, he feels pinned to the wall. And Jake is laughing, begging him to talk to him. He tunes him out and sees her face.

He's glad he's the only one that can read minds.

--

Edward sees Bella when he's leaving Jacob's one night; she's walking along the road. He doesn't want to stop, but she sees him and he pulls over. It's raining and he opens the door for her. She shakes her head and he furrows his brow.

"Bella get in the damn car. It's raining." He barks it at her, louder than he means to.

She glares at him, "Why does it seem like you troll around town waiting to save people? Do you not have anything else to do? Does Jake know you're searching the streets like Batman?"

He gets out of the car and shoves her inside, slamming the door. She crosses her arms and he goes back to the driver's side.

"What the _fuck_ did I do to you? Why are you obsessed? Why can't you just leave me alone?" She looks hurt, but he can't read her expression.

Edward pinches the bridge of his nose and replies, "I still care for you, Bella. I still love you. I can't just wipe that away."

She laughs and throws her hands up, "Care? _Love?_ Edward Cullen, you can't be serious. If I remember correctly, you are the one that shoved _me_ out of your life. And now you want to be friends like nothing happened."

He tries to say something back but she gets out of the car. He watches her leave and she glares back at him, challenging him to come after her. He drives off, and he can feel the daggers she's throwing at him with her eyes.

--

He's lying in bed with Jacob, his fingers running through Jake's hair. He's thinking about Bella again, thinking about that night, thinking about her face in the rain.

Jake kisses his chest and murmurs _I Love you_ like a silent prayer. He can barely say it back, it feels like a betrayal.

"I love you too."

--

A knock on the door and Edward is standing like a lost dog on Bella's porch.

"What do you want, Edward? Did my ignoring your calls not set off an alarm?" Her voice like ice, her eyes like honey.

"Can I just come in? Please." Bella stares at him, not moving. "I won't stay long. Jake and I have plans."

She moves from in front of the door, her arm gesturing to him to come in. He sees Heidi in the living room and looks at Bella, his eyes pointing to her bedroom. She sighs and starts to walk down the hallway and upstairs.

Once inside she closes the door behind Edward and sits on the bed, legs crossed. "What is it you wanted, Edward?"

Edward stands for a moment and then leans down to kiss her. She shoves him back and glares. He leans forward again and she stands, pushing him off her.

"What the fuck, Edward?"

His eyes knit together and Bella turns her back to him, looking out the window. She hears the door slam and wishes Heidi had stayed, Edward's eyes look hungry and they scare her. She keeps up her façade, though. She won't let him know she's uncomfortable.

"Why can't you just leave me alone, Edward? I don't want you here. I never wanted you. You act like I was the one that broke your heart.." she wasn't able to finish her sentence.

Edward's hand was over her mouth, his other hand locking her wrists behind her back. She's wiggling against him and trying to scream. He throws her onto the bed and is on top of her before she can attempt to get away. His hands are on her wrists and she's unable to even move.

He growls at her, a threat. He lets one of her wrists go to unzip both of their jeans. Bella doesn't even breathe. She wants to close her eyes, but she's so focused on Edward.

Bella finds her voice and quietly speaks, "Why are you doing this?"

Edward glares at her and slaps her face. "Just… don't talk."

He forces himself into her and she cries out. He puts his hand over her mouth. "I said, don't talk."

Edward's eyes are closed and he's thrusting into her hard. Bella is seeing the night in Italy, the blood, the pain. She's unaware of her voice, begging him to stop. He keeps slapping her and she keeps trying to cry. She forgets she can't and everything goes black. She stops fighting, she stops trying to push him off.

Edward pounds into her a few more times, the final time making her body shudder. Edward rolls off her, sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.

She sits up, spitting words at him. "Edward, get out."

Edward doesn't move, doesn't even flinch. She yells at him again, "_Get out._"

"Jacob is waiting for you..." Her words were softer this time. He lifts his head up sharply, looking at the wall.

"I don't _love_ you." Bella gets up, standing in front of him, disheveled. She slaps him severely, his head stays on its side and he swirls his bottom jaw.

She sighs, furious. "_You _don't love _me._"

Edward stands, composing himself. He looks back at Bella and she looks away from him. He can feel her hatred now and it feels better than it should.

--

"I… I raped her." Edward's voice is barely audible.

Jake takes him by the shoulders. "Raped who, Edward? Who did you fucking rape?"

"B…B… Bella."

Jake shoves Edward so hard he falls to the floor. Edward looks up at him, and sees the shaking. He looks away because Jacob's eyes are angrier than he ever wanted to see them.

"Why… Edward… why would you do that?" Jacob picks him up by the collar, spitting his words into his face.

He throws Edward against the wall, and his fists are crashing into his face. Edward takes it, takes all of it. He doesn't fight back, he can barely feels the warmth of Jake's skin pressed against his own.

Jacob stops, barking words at Edward, "How the fuck can you do that?" When Edward doesn't give him a response, he starts in on him again. "What did she _do to you_? What the _fuck_ did she ever do to you?"

Jacob lets go of him and he falls down the wall, eyes glazed over, not focusing on anything. Jacob crouches in front of him.

"You fucking disgust me."

--

It's been a week since he last fed, his whole body feels numb. The hotel room he's been in is exactly how it was when he entered. He's been sitting in a chair, arms around himself, not even breathing.

He's done it again, he's fucked up everything. Jacob couldn't even look him in the eyes when he left. Bella's hatred grew and he feels pride in it. It feels like something he's earned, but not like a prize. It's deserved, if anything.

He decides that he doesn't love her, not the way he thought he did. He had to prove it to himself, had to test the waters. But now that he has, he feels like a victor, like this is finally where he should be.

He stands and his hand is on the door before he can register what he is doing. A maid stands outside, towels in her hand. He rips her into the room, slamming the door shut. Her blood tastes like wine, thick and sweet.

It's only now that he hates himself. But he's confident and absolved in this realization. He finally _is_ what he's thought of himself for so long.

A monster.


End file.
